Blog,  CCL Diaries

CCL Diaries – 7 – Starting Over …

Hello my Darlings, long time no speak!

I debated whether to write a quick update about my absence – so often we want to hide being human, and I am certainly no exception from that! I sometimes feel like if I too hide behind the mask, it creates an illusion that things are all ok here too – despite whatever is bubbling under the surface.

Lockdown 3.0 has certainly taken its toll on me. The weather, along with missing everyone and everything, as well as a lack of contact with near enough everyone has really caused some deflation in me. It feels a little now like everyone is over the zoom calls, constant phoning and endless texts. I guess to some degree, we have nothing new to say.

Whilst all this is going on, I don’t know about you, but social media to me seems more positive than ever. I am inundated with new creator account requests. Everyone seems to be posting endless purchases or sponsored items, every seems to be having a ball creating content, out and about, and just getting on with things. This time around I have actually felt, am I the only one not enjoying the third lockdown?!?!

I recently posted this caption on Instagram, and I think this is actually so true. I have never considered myself a complete Swiftie btw! But actually as time goes on I realise I am more obsessed with TS than I initially let on! I think this quote is really bang on how I have been feeling at the moment, and it may resonate with some of you also.

“Every day we go online and we scroll through the highlight reel of other people’s awesome lives. But we don’t see the highlight reel of our awesome lives – all we see is the behind the scenes. We see every single moment, from when we wake up and we’re like “oh, God, not feeling my hair today. Not going to be a good day today for the hair”. We see our doubts, we see our fears, we see our concerns. You are the only one who is inside your brain feeling all of your anxieties and the voices who are telling you that you can’t be who you want to be, or that you’re not who you want to be, or that you want to be more like that other person over there. Let me tell you, people are mean to each other, but no voice is as mean as our own voices are to ourselves. Is it true or is it false? It’s true, right?”
– Taylor Swift

Blogging has certainly taken a bit of a lull, and this hasn’t actually been intentional. I have sat down more times during the week than not in order to finish drafts and edits, but I just can’t seem to get that final finish sorted. I can’t quite get myself happy with the sign off. I have various projects on the go and it doesn’t matter which one I dip into, I never seem to be able to get any further. You’ll know if you are a regular here that I am a perfectionist, and sign off is hard enough on a good day, let alone when things don’t quite seem right. I just haven’t been able to get myself to a point where I am happy with any of the content to a point of publishing, and I refuse to post for the sake of it, because I know that goes against what sort of content I want to put out there.

I am working on some really exciting projects, and Darlings, please don’t feel like I have lost enthusiasm for sharing, because that is certainly not the case! I have needed a bit of a rest and a break, and to be kind to myself, nothing to do with my blog. I know I can’t produce my best content when I am being so self critical about everything I am doing. I have beaten myself up every day for letting things slip, and this has only made the feelings worse.

My blog has such an incredible and loyal following now, and I wanted to finally be human and honest with you about why I have been absent. I am so looking forward now to lighter nights, warmer weather and Spring content. As I said, I have some amazing content which will be published very soon now, as well as some exciting ideas for both Spring and Summer.

Bear with me – it’s all coming now 🤍

Stay safe my Darlings, keep finding comfort in the things that make you smile, and keep your heads up. We still stand together ❤️

See you soon!

Lots of Love, Lucinda xo

“Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean”

– Ryunosuke Satoro